I was talking to one my colleagues at the end of the day about current issues effecting the world (despite the contrary; teachers are very enlightened on current affairs) and I asked her a question of utmost importance and grave significance: What should I blog about on my next post? Why the look of trepidation; is there a more pressing issue to address? Did you think I was referring to some infrastructure or a 9 minute and 47 seconds speech broadcasted on all local news affiliates that was of no consequence yet of dire consequences? Remember I did say that teachers are enlighten but what I fail to mention is that we are also cynical. So, of course the question concerning what to blog about, was to me, oh so much more important. My colleague’s response to the question; relationships. Sigh. To my colleague, here’s to relationships.
Currently, I am single, though I might have an iron in the fire. Maybe an iron on the heater. Okay… okay the iron is out in the sunlight; but hey, I am trying. But I digress. Being that I am not in a relationship, I have to rely on memories of days gone by to focus on relationship issues that my blog readers and potential blog readers can relate to that doesn’t require me to recount why I am single in the first place. Note to self, perhaps this is not such a good idea. So after brief recollection, I chose the act of double dipping as my focus point. One may ask; what is double-dipping? Let me explain.
Ladies, and perhaps it was just my lady at the time, what page in the Relationship Manuel states that whatever entrée is served, during whatever meal of the day, has to be shared by both parties despite the fact that each person ordered their desired meal? Let me ask this in laymen terms. Why do women ask for food off the plate of their significant other when the logical thing to do was to have ordered that particular entrée in the first place? No, still not understanding the question? Why do I have to share my Ruth Chris 24 oz T-Bone steak cooked to a delectable medium rare temperature, with just a slight dark marmalade crust on the top? Why must I be tormented and hear the crackling of the beef under the pressure of the knife and fork as it breaks through the crust. Just to hear these words: “ummm that tastes so good, I should have got that instead”. Oh, the horror and debauchery of it all. Well maybe I’m being a little bit over the top. No, I’m not. Because as much as I want to say that these are isolated events, isolated meaning it all happens to me, the look on the faces of my fellow men at other tables as their significant other double-dips, indicates that this is an epidemic. So much so that we men have become almost immune to it. You don’t believe me. Next time you are at a restaurant, watch the exchange of facial expressions between a couple when the entrees arrive at the table then revisit this blog and leave a report your findings. Predication. The woman will most certainly have a piece of his steak on her plate first. She may even cut the steak for him under the guise of doing it correctly when in fact she is searching for the choice cut. Okay that last statement may be a reach. Maybe.
As a kid I remember my mother picking the bones out of my fish to ensure that I did not end up choking to death. I was eight years old give or take a few years. The point is…wait what’s the point. Okay lets try this again. I think the first time is cute when a woman decides to sample the entrée off of the plate of her significant other. As a matter of fact, it is damn near sexy. However, when it becomes habitual, it becomes double-dipping then, which in some states is punishable by fines of…. wait my bad we are still talking about food, right? On a serious note, I know caring is sharing (according to my colleague); I get it. But sometimes, a man wants to eat his steak alone. He wants to be the first one to cut through the steak and taste the succulent of a Ruth Chris’ 24 oz T-Bone Steak without sharing. Unfortunately, lately I have been getting a lot of practice and to be honest, its not that bad at all. Which I’m sure after this blog post, the iron will be laying out in the sun a little longer.